Silent Screams, Frozen Bodies: Unveiling the Trauma of Unspoken "No" in Childbirth

It was 2 AM, the sterile white of the hospital room harsh under fluorescent lights. My teenage daughter, her face contorted in agony, was met with a barrage of questions that seemed to echo hollowly around her. But my daughter, her mind wired beautifully different, couldn't translate her anguish into their words. Her eyes, wide with fear and pain, remained fixed on mine, a silent plea for help.

As a trauma therapist specialising in guiding women to empowerment, I knew this scene all too well. It's a heartbreaking echo of countless stories I've heard in my practice. The assumption of consent in the absence of a clear "no" is a dangerous myth that pervades maternity care, leaving lasting scars on both mothers and their babies.

I'd seen this before in my eldest daughter's life, and I knew what was happening - she had frozen. A primal survival mechanism triggered by trauma, her silence was not consent, but a desperate cry for help trapped within her body. To the untrained eye, she might have appeared calm, even compliant. But as her mother, I knew the storm raging within her. Her silence was a scream, her stillness a mask for the terror that held her captive.

This experience shaped our approach to her maternity care. We sought out a midwife who understood trauma, who knew that consent was not the absence of a "no," but a clear and enthusiastic "yes." We found a provider who would respect my daughter's unique communication style, who would take the time to build trust and rapport, and who would recognise and honour her right to autonomy, even in the passage of birthing.

Childbirth is meant to be a symphony of life, not a chorus of coerced compliance. Yet, the clinical environment can morph into a battleground where fear, intimidation, and social pressure drown out the whispers of personal autonomy. The freeze response, a primal survival mechanism triggered by trauma, often manifests as silence, misconstrued as acceptance. This is particularly true for neurodivergent individuals, whose unique ways of processing and communicating can be easily misunderstood.

The consequences of this unspoken "no" ripple through the postpartum period, weaving a tapestry of anxiety, depression, and difficulty bonding with the newborn. The trauma of disregarded consent lingers like a phantom limb, haunting the sacred space of motherhood.

It's time to rewrite this narrative. Affirmative consent, the practice of actively seeking a clear and enthusiastic "yes," must become the cornerstone of maternity care. This revolutionary approach requires women to make informed choices, fostering trust and respect within the birthing space.

But it doesn't stop there. To truly heal the wounds of past trauma and reclaim their voices, women need more than just a change in medical protocol. They need support, guidance, and a safe space to process their experiences. They need to be 'bully-proofed' against a system that often fails to understand or respect their individual needs.

This is where my work at Fantastic Futures comes in. Through specialised trauma therapy and empowerment coaching, I help women break free from the shackles of silence and reclaim their autonomy. We delve into the root causes of trauma, build resilience, and develop assertiveness skills that empower women to navigate challenging situations with confidence.

Imagine a world where every woman feels heard, respected, and empowered during one of the most transformative experiences of her life. This is not a utopian dream, but a tangible reality we can create together.

Reach out to me at Fantastic Futures today. Let's transform the silent scream into a symphony of strength, resilience, and unwavering consent. Your voice matters, your experience matters, and your healing journey begins now.

With love

Philippa