Module 5
Strategies for Common Challenges (tantrums, picky eating, bedtime battles)
Listen to this module here.
Tantrums
Key Concepts: Understanding the developmental reasons behind tantrums, avoiding power struggles, offering calming techniques, redirecting attention.
Understanding Tantrums from a Conscious Intentional Perspective, with a Mirror to Our Emotions
While the conscious intentional perspective generally focuses on adult emotions and motivations, it can offer valuable insights into understanding children's tantrums, especially when combined with the understanding of their developmental stage. Here's an exploration of both:
Developmental Reasons for Tantrums:
Limited communication skills: Young children haven't yet developed the vocabulary or emotional intelligence to express their needs and frustrations effectively. Tantrums become a way to communicate their distress, even if it's messy and disruptive.
Egocentrism: The world revolves around the child's perspective. They struggle to understand others' viewpoints, leading to meltdowns when their desires aren't immediately met.
Developing impulse control: The prefrontal cortex, responsible for decision-making and emotional regulation, is still maturing. This means children are more prone to acting impulsively and expressing emotions intensely.
Exploring boundaries: Children push boundaries to understand what's acceptable and test their independence. Tantrums can be a way of asserting their autonomy and gauging limits.
The Mirror Effect:
Now, let's consider the conscious intentional perspective, where children are seen as reflecting the emotions around them. This doesn't mean they are intentionally manipulating, but rather that their emotional state can be influenced by the adults caring for them.
Emotional contagion: Children are highly sensitive to the emotions of those around them. If a caregiver is feeling anxious, stressed, or overwhelmed, the child might pick up on that energy and express it through a tantrum.
Modeling behavior: Children learn by observing. If they see adults expressing anger or frustration loudly or aggressively, they might subconsciously adopt similar behaviors when facing their own challenges.
Attachment styles: Securely attached children are more likely to feel safe and express their emotions constructively. Insecure attachment styles, where the child feels anxious or neglected, can lead to increased tantrums.
Putting it Together:
Combining these perspectives allows us to see tantrums not just as disruptive behavior, but as a child's attempt to communicate and navigate their developing world. By understanding the developmental reasons and recognizing the potential mirroring effect of our own emotions, we can approach tantrums with more empathy and effectiveness.
Here are some tips for navigating tantrums from this combined perspective:
Stay calm and regulated: Your calmness can help de-escalate the situation.
Validate their emotions: Acknowledge their feelings, even if you don't agree with the behavior.
Offer support and guidance: Help them find words to express their needs and set clear, age-appropriate boundaries.
Be patient and consistent: Remember, this is a developmental process.
By approaching tantrums with understanding and compassion, we can help children develop the emotional intelligence and communication skills they need to express themselves effectively and build healthy relationships.
*It's important to note that this is a complex topic, and individual experiences and needs can vary greatly. If you're concerned about your child's tantrums, it's always best to consult with a qualified professional.
Offering calming techniques and redirecting attention are key strategies to help children manage their emotions and prevent tantrums from escalating. Here's how these approaches can be integrated with the conscious, intentional perspective:
Calming Techniques:
Acknowledge & Validate: Start by acknowledging the child's emotions and validating their feelings. This helps them feel heard and understood, creating a foundation for further communication. "I see you're feeling frustrated because you can't have the toy right now."
Mindfulness Practices: Offer simple mindfulness exercises like deep breathing, counting, or squeezing a stress ball. These practices can help children physically calm down and regain a sense of control. Watch the attached video for a grounding technique with an explanation of the law of entrainment.
Sensory Input: Some children respond well to calming sensory input, such as gentle massage, soothing music, or playing with calming textures like soft blankets. Experiment to see what works best for your child.
Redirecting Attention:
Offer Choices: When a tantrum is brewing, offer choices that allow the child to feel some sense of control. This can be something simple like choosing a different activity or toy.
Engage in Play: Offer a fun and engaging activity that redirects their attention with an explanation that you will return to the discussion when everyone is calm. This could be a game, singing a song, or reading a story.
Change the Environment: Sometimes, a change of scenery can be helpful. If possible, take the child to a different room, go for a walk outside, or engage in a calming activity like playing in the sandbox.
Activity
Download the activity here to engage and enjoy with the whole family!
Remember
Stay Calm, grounded & Connected: It's crucial for the adult to remain calm and patient throughout the process. This creates a safe space for the child to express their emotions and learn healthier coping mechanisms.
Be Consistent: Consistency is key in teaching children new behaviors. Use the same calming techniques and redirection strategies consistently to help them develop predictable expectations and learn to manage their emotions effectively.
Focus on Progress: Celebrate small victories. Acknowledge the child's efforts to use calming techniques or redirect their attention, even if they don't always succeed. This positive reinforcement of effort over results will encourage them to continue trying.
By combining these strategies with the conscious, intentional perspective, you can create a supportive environment where children feel understood and empowered to manage their emotions in healthy ways. This not only helps prevent tantrums but also fosters emotional intelligence and resilience in children, benefiting them throughout their lives.
Picky Eating
Key Concepts: Exposing children to a variety of healthy foods without pressure, making mealtimes fun and interactive, involving children in food preparation, and offering choices within healthy boundaries.
Exposing children to a variety of healthy foods without pressure:
Start early: Introduce different flavors and textures from infancy, using purees, mashes, and finger foods. Offer a variety of colors on the plate to pique curiosity.
Lead by example: Children learn by observing, so fill your own plate with diverse, colorful, and nutritious foods. Talk about the flavors and textures you enjoy.
Make it playful: Use fun shapes with cookie cutters, arrange food into faces, or tell stories about the journey of the food from farm to table and embrace the mess!
Offer repeated exposure: Don't give up if a child rejects a food initially. Keep offering it in different ways over time, paired with familiar favorites.
Focus on exploration, not pressure: Let children explore different foods at their own pace. Avoid forcing bites, bribes, or negative labels like "picky eater."
Making mealtimes fun and interactive:
Eat together as a family: This creates a positive association with food and connection.
Involve children in setting the table, choosing music, or telling jokes. Dinner prep dance parties are common in our house even with teenagers.
Play food-themed games or sing songs about healthy choices.
Encourage conversation about the food, its origins, and its role in the body.
Turn meal prep into a fun activity: Let children help with age-appropriate tasks like washing vegetables, stirring ingredients, or arranging fruit platters.
Involving children in food preparation:
Start small: Let little ones tear lettuce, mix yogurt with fruit, or spread peanut butter. As they grow, gradually increase their involvement.
Focus on the process, not perfection: Let children experiment and make mistakes. The goal is to foster a love of cooking, not Michelin-star dishes.
Make it age-appropriate: Use child-safe tools and activities to ensure safety and enjoyment.
Celebrate their contributions: Praise their efforts and proudly display their creations at the table.
Offering choices within healthy boundaries:
Provide two or three healthy options in each food group. But don't cook individual meals. If they want bread instead of toast, raw carrots instead of cooked, spicy or no chili, no worries!! They don't have a completely different meal plan to you though.
Allow children to choose what they want within those options.
Set clear boundaries around portion sizes and avoid unhealthy choices. Provide a dish size you know they can eat. Tell them there is more if they want it. This saves on waste, provides leftovers for work, and more importantly teaches them to listen to their body around hunger and satiation.
Focus on the overall balance of their diet, not each individual meal.
Be flexible: If a child consistently chooses one option over another, offer it less frequently and introduce new healthy alternatives.
Remember:
Be patient and consistent. It takes time for children to develop healthy eating habits.
Focus on positive reinforcement. Acknowledge their efforts and contributions.
Make mealtimes a positive experience. Avoid using food as a reward or punishment.
Trust your child's intuition. They will naturally gravitate towards foods that nourish their bodies.
Activity
Download the activity here to engage and enjoy with the whole family!
By following these tips and adapting them to your unique family dynamic, you can foster a positive and healthy relationship with food in your children, setting them up for a lifetime of well-being.
Bedtime Battles
Key Concepts: Establishing a consistent bedtime routine, creating a calming bedtime environment, addressing underlying anxieties or fears, offering positive reinforcement for staying in bed.
Sensory-Friendly Bedtime Routines for Intentional and Conscious Parenting
Intentional and conscious parenting involves being present, mindful, and responsive to your child's individual needs, especially at bedtime. This includes creating a calming and supportive environment that addresses their sensory sensitivities. Here's how you can expand on the provided concepts with a sensory focus:
Establishing a Consistent Bedtime Routine:
Sensory Integration Activities: Incorporate calming sensory activities like gentle massage with unscented lotion, brushing their hair softly, or deep breathing exercises before bedtime.
Predictable Sequence: Create a predictable routine with clear steps, like taking a warm bath, putting on pajamas, reading a calming story, and listening to soothing music. Use visual aids like picture charts to help children anticipate each step.
Sensory Cues: Use visual cues like dimming lights, turning on a white noise machine, or diffusing calming essential oils (like lavender) 30 minutes before bedtime to signal the transition.
Creating a Calming Bedtime Environment:
Sensory Comfort: Ensure the bedroom is cool, dark, and quiet. Use blackout curtains, earplugs, and white noise machines to minimize overstimulation.
Texture and Comfort: Provide soft, breathable bedding and cuddly stuffed animals for proprioceptive input. Consider weighted blankets or other deep pressure tools if appropriate.
Calming Lights: Replace bright lights with dimmable lamps or nightlights emitting calming colors like red or orange. Consider using a sensory projector with calming visuals.
Addressing Underlying Anxieties or Fears:
Validate Feelings: Acknowledge and validate their anxieties or fears without judgment. Talk about them calmly and offer reassurance.
Sensory Tools: Offer calming sensory tools like fidget spinners, chewable necklaces, or textured toys to help them self-regulate.
Relaxation Techniques: Teach relaxation techniques like progressive muscle relaxation or visualization exercises to manage anxiety before sleep.
Don't Chastise for Not Staying in Bed:
Understand Triggers: Identify potential sensory triggers that might disrupt sleep and address them proactively.
Offer Alternatives: Instead of scolding, offer calming activities they can do in their room, like listening to audiobooks or reading quiet books.
Check-ins and Support: Offer reassurance and support throughout the night, letting them know you're there for them.
Outside-the-Box Calming Bedtime Routines:
Sensory Play Dough: Create calming play dough with calming scents like lavender or vanilla and let them explore different textures before bedtime.
Sensory Bottle Relaxation: Make a calming sensory bottle with glitter, water, and food coloring. Watching it move can be mesmerizing and calming.
Nature Soundscapes: Play calming nature sounds like rain, ocean waves, or forest sounds to create a peaceful atmosphere.
Weighted Sock Massage: Fill clean socks with rice or beans for gentle deep pressure massage before bed.
Mindful Movement: Engage in gentle yoga poses or stretches together to promote relaxation and body awareness.
Remember:
Every child is unique.
Experiment and observe what works best for your child.
Be patient and consistent.
Creating a positive sleep environment takes time and effort.
Seek professional help if you have concerns about your child's sleep or sensory processing.
Activity
Download the activity here to engage and enjoy with the whole family!
By incorporating these sensory-focused strategies, you can create a calming and supportive bedtime routine that promotes better sleep for both you and your child.