When Nice Parents Lose It: The Science Behind Rage
Yelling mum
Right, let's talk about something that most parenting books conveniently skip over - those moments when a simple question like "What's for dinner?" triggers a full-body, where-did-that-come-from explosion that leaves you wondering if you've completely lost it.
Before we dive in, let's get clear on the difference between regular parent anger and rage, because they're about as similar as a gentle rain and a cyclone.
Regular parent anger builds like a kettle coming to boil. You can feel the frustration growing, your jaw clenching, maybe your shoulders tensing. Your thinking brain stays online enough to make semi-rational decisions (even if one of those decisions is hiding in the pantry with the chocolate). This is your body's normal response to the everyday challenges of parenting - like finding texta on your walls or stepping on Lego for the fifteenth time.
Mum frustrated
Rage, though? That's a whole different story. It's instant, overwhelming, and hits you faster than your kid can say "I don't like green food." One second you're fine, the next you're in full explosion mode with no warning whatsoever. Your rational brain doesn't just step back - it completely checks out. This isn't about normal frustration; it's your nervous system going from zero to nuclear in a nanosecond.
The Science Behind Your Snap (But Make It Make Sense)
Here's what's actually happening in your body, and trust me, it's more interesting than your teenager's social media drama. Your nervous system isn't just some random collection of wires - it's more like a bucket that's been collecting experiences since before you took your first breath.
Dr. Stephen Porges (bit of a legend in the nervous system world) would tell you this bucket starts filling during pregnancy. Your mum's stress hormones? In the bucket. That intense birth experience? Straight in there. Those early years when you were basically a tiny emotional sponge? Filling up faster than a rain tank in a storm.
The Bucket Brigade
By age seven (and this is proper neuroscience, not just some random theory), your bucket's already collected what the experts call core unconscious beliefs. These aren't just random thoughts - they're like the sediment at the bottom of your bucket, influencing everything that flows in after.
Fast forward to now, and your bucket's probably fuller than a Woolies carpark on pension day. You've got:
Sleep deprivation sloshing around
Mental load that weighs more than your toddler
Boundary violations from well-meaning relatives
Years of putting everyone else first
That stuff you thought you'd dealt with (narrator: nope)
Here's where it gets interesting (and by interesting, I mean scientifically validated). When your bucket's this full, your nervous system's not just being dramatic - it's actually trying to protect you. That rage response? It's your body's version of a emergency pressure release valve.
The Rage Reality
When you go from zero to nuclear in 0.2 seconds, here's what's actually happening in your brain:
Your amygdala (the brain's security guard) hits the panic button
Your prefrontal cortex (the sensible one) goes on smoko
Your body dumps stress hormones faster than your kid dumps their dinner on the floor
Your nervous system bypasses all regular processing channels and goes straight to emergency mode
It's not about the dinner question at all - it's about that one tiny drop that makes your already-full bucket overflow spectacularly.
The TRTP Solution (AKA The Plumbing Renovation Your Nervous System Needs)
This is where TRTP therapy comes in clutch. It's not just about emptying your bucket (though that's part of it) - it's about installing a proper drainage system. Think of it as giving your nervous system a complete plumbing renovation.
First, it helps you empty all that old stuff that's been sitting in your bucket - maybe for generations. Then, and here's the game-changer, it installs a tap at the bottom so you can regularly drain what's new instead of letting it build up.
Because here's the truth bomb: TRTP doesn't turn you into a magical unicorn where nothing bad ever happens. Life's still going to life. Kids are still going to kid. Partners are still going to partner. But with that tap installed, you've got a way to process and release instead of letting everything accumulate until you overflow.
Simpson Character with icecream on head declares himself a unicorn
The Path Forward (With Your New Tap)
Understanding your bucket and your brand new tap doesn't make the challenges disappear, but it does make them more manageable. You'll still have moments when someone asks about dinner at exactly the wrong time, but you'll have ways to drain the pressure before you hit explosion point.
Remember This
You're not a bad parent because your bucket overflows sometimes. You're a human being dealing with a nervous system that's been collecting experiences since before you were born. The good news? With the right support and understanding (and maybe a nice new tap), you can work through this.
Keep it real, stay honest, and remember - we're all just trying to manage our buckets while raising tiny humans who think sleep is optional and pants are negotiable. And if anyone judges you for occasionally losing it? Well, they probably need their own bucket checked and a tap installed.
Because at the end of the day, looking after your mental health isn't just self-care - it's making sure your overflow doesn't become part of what fills your kids' buckets too. And sometimes that means getting professional help to install that tap, because let's be honest - this is one home renovation you probably can't DIY.